Christmas

I've heard a lot of people say "When is it going to feel like Christmas??" and I tend to agree. I live in Texas. Its about 75 out. There is no snow any where. I haven't gone caroling and finished most of my Christmas shopping this year in October. (I'm kind of an overachiever in that area). But every time I hear someone say that or I think it myself ,that Steven Curtis Chapman song rings through my head "Christmas is all in the heart...thats where feeling starts..." And I believe that. But I don't think its sunk all the way down to my heart. But I want it to.

I need the rawness of the story to hit me afresh.

I'm for sure not where I'm supposed to be yet. But I'm closer than I was this morning. I was praying this evening, or morning rather (insomnia came to visit) and I felt like God wants me to share with you what He taught me.

So this is straight out of my journal...its my prayer to God, me finally starting to get it. I pray you are encouraged and your faith strengthened by this. And Christmas hits you in the face and you get the message of grace in an incredible new way.

You are the most profound act of grace.
You are all that is worth living for.
Because there is HOPE in Your name.
Because there is MERCY and HEALING in Your touch.
Because all that is good in me is because of You.
Your grace is scandalous.
Your love is matchless.
Your mercy is everlasting.
You are redemption. Period.
You are faithful.
You are beyond words.
No one can describe You.
No one deserves Your love.
I don't deserve Your love.
I can't love You like You deserve.
You are the God who saves.

The words "But God" are some of the most powerful and life changing words in Scripture. Because they reveal Your nature.
They reveal how You differ from me.
They reveal Your glorious, unending, unchanging mercy.

"But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus" Eph 2:46

In Your name, there is HEALING
In Your name, there is FORGIVENESS
In Your name, there is TRUTH
In Your name, there is PASSION
In Your name, there is WHOLENESS
In Your name, there is POWER
In Your name, there is PURITY
By Your name, CAPTIVES ARE SET FREE
By Your name, BROKENESS IS HEALED
By Your name, I AM NO LONGER A SLAVE TO SIN.

Everything I lack is found in You.

That my dear friend, is the message of Christmas. It's not a feeling. It's not based on your circumstances. It's about GOD becoming flesh and choosing to save us. To save you. To save me. Its a celebration of when HOPE came into the world.

I pray your Christmas is filled peace, love, and thankfulness.

With great joy,

Maria

P.S. I have no idea how I'm going to fall asleep now. :-)

P.S.S. MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

New

I can't think, nor to do I have the brain power to come up with anything original right now. Its my day off but I have a list of stuff a mile long that I need to accomplish.

I hope and pray that following verses refresh you as much as they have refreshed me.

And I will give them one heart [a new heart] and I will put a new spirit within them; and I will take the stony [unnaturally hardened] heart out of their flesh, and will give them a heart of flesh [sensitive and responsive to the touch of their God] - Ezekiel 11: 19

For the eyes of the LORD range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him - 2 Chronicles 16:9a

He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.

You will not fear the terror of night,
nor the arrow that flies by day - Psalm 91:4-5

The enemy likes to take the desires of our heart, turn them into weaknesses, steal our trust in God's goodness and timing..GUARD your heart. - Kari Jobe

Every man dies. Not every man really lives. - William Wallace



Enjoy life.

Fear

I have sat down to write countless times the last couple months.

Obviously, it didn't go so well.

I think its because I never really had anything worth saying. I wasn't growing. I was stuck in my own thoughts and needed time to digest them all.

The last two months haven't been my favorite. A lot has happened and a bunch of it hasn't been fun.

But even though there were a lot of dark and sad times. I don't believe I've ever been closer to God before. He's made me face my deepest darkest fear...and through His grace I survived. The one thing I didn't think I would be able to bear, He held me through. His love has never been more real in my entire life.

I've been doing a fantastic bible study by Kelly Minter called "No Other Gods". Its been perfect for the season I'm in. I often find myself clinging to people or things and trying to be happy through them instead of God. The study encouraged me to get down on my face before God and thank Him for all His attributes. I'm not going to lie, I didn't really want to. Not because I don't love God but because my chair is really comfortable. But I felt really stupid telling God I wouldn't worship Him because I was to comfortable, so I got up and dropped my Bible on the floor. I then preceded to stare at the floor, dreading the descent downward. Not because I have a fear of sticking my face into my carpet, but because I am so ridiculously sore from my stupid pilates class that I wasn't sure if I would ever be able to get back up. I literally felt about 110. However, while I was reading and praying I was struck all over again by my current favorite psalm - Psalm 91.

I love this psalm because it talks about the awesome power of God. He is so mighty, but He is also so gentle. He's our protector. He saves us from our fears.

"Surely he will save you from the fowler's snare
and from the deadly pestilence.
He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
You will not fear the terror of night,
nor the arrow that flies by day"
Psalm 91:3-5
I've been so afraid lately. Afraid I'll never find anyone to love me. Afraid of sleeping at night. Afraid of leaving home. Afraid that when I leave home, I'll make some bonehead mistake I'll have to live with for the rest of my life. That I won't make friends at college, my now friends won't visit me at college and everyone will know I was homeschooled. Not that I didn't love being homeschooled...I just don't want to act like I was. If you were homeschooled, you know EXACTLY what I mean.
However, God has been doing a ridiculous work on my heart. He's healing me from various pain. He's given me enough hope for about 3 people. I am constantly aware of His presence. I find great comfort in the fact that as the verse states, He holds me close. He's my refuge. He's faithful.
I remember sitting on my bed last week after saying goodbye to a close friend. I was trying really hard not to cry. I asked God why it had to happen. He gently whispered back...almost audibly "to draw you close to Me".
I don't know what you are going through. But I promise you, God is faithful. I don't know what your greatest fear is, but God will hold you through it. I don't know what's going to happen in the future, but I promise its good. Because God promised it would be good. I'm also willing to bet it won't be how you expect.
I'm not saying I am now 100% hurt free and fine. I'm not. My heart still hurts, but I have have hope. It's all going to be ok. I guess I've learned that God can handle all of me. From me complaining about being sore, hungry, tired, and lonely...to happy, romantic, and hyper. He loves all of me. It's such a freeing feeling. I finally feel free to be me.
I've learned there is no need to fear because God is bigger than my fears. Yours too.

"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love."
1 John 4:18

Live

What if we knew exactly what was going to happen in our lives? What if we knew the date of our loved ones death, the date we would meet our future spouse, the date of our first child's birth....everything? Would we live differently? Would we distance ourselves from someone if we knew they would die the next day, to spare ourselves from pain? Or would we dive in, and love deeply and fully and end up with a broken heart? I've had many conversations with a friend of mine. They like to think about everything logically, and I don't. I like to dive into life, and often don't think about the consequences. Although, the more I have thought about it, the more I have come to the conclusion that I am right (Duh). But also that they are right too (ehh...).

I believe Jesus created us to love deeply. We are created to be passionate and give everything. This life isn't a rehearsal for the real thing, it is the real thing. But what about wisdom? If we are supposed to give everything and love fearlessly, isn't that reckless? Won't we wind up hurt? Why do something that will guarantee pain? Every relationship you have will end. Whether by death or by something else, its going to end. Its a depressing thought. When someone told me this, I thought it was extremely morbid, and they were a "glass half empty" kind of person. And that might be true. So now that we have all had a reality check, the next question is "Is it worth it?". Is it worth loving someone (parents, spouse, significant other, children, coworkers etc) knowing the risk?

Yes.

Heck yes.

Jesus loved those who hated Him. He died for people who hated Him. He loved fearlessly, fully knowing people would reject Him. And thats what we need to do too. Someone told me "But I don't know what God's will is!" That's kind of the point. We have step out in faith, knowing God will do something good. We aren't called to save the world, that's Jesus' job. We don't know what is going to happen, but we have to trust.

And we'll always have the memories. Beautiful memories. Even though there might be pain in relationship, its always worth it. You'll always have the memory of the persons smile or an inside joke. I would rather love and know what its like to be loved than to have protected myself so much that I don't know whats it like. My uncle passed away in 2008. It sucks, but I'll always have the hilarious and wonderful memories.

And its important to be wise. Even though we are called to live and love fearlessly and trust God no matter what, we still have to be wise. We have to think before we speak and realize not everyone should be allowed into every corner of your heart.

So....go love someone. Live and love fearlessly.

"Trust in Him at all times, you people; pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us."Psalm 62:8

This video says everything I'm trying to convey...check it out!

Love

Today, my bible study asked me what possession I treasured most. As embarrassing as it is to admit, I treasure my kiki (my baby blanket) the most. I know I'm 19 but I make no apologies for still sleeping with her every night. I began to think about why she was so special to me. I think its because she is a source of comfort. I've had her since I was 6 months old. And she hasn't had a bath since then (I'm kidding). She has been there through every painful and wonderful thing in my life. When my uncle died I held her. When I got my wisdom teeth out I held her. Whenever I get my heart hurt I hold her. She's been here since the beginning and is the only thing on earth who knows when I cry myself to sleep. She is so special to me and all she is a soft piece of cloth. As lame as it is, she is my most treasured possession (besides my cat).

And then the bible study told me to read this verse:

"For you are a people holy to the LORD your God. The LORD your God has chosen you out of all the peoples on the face of the earth to be his people, his treasured possession" Deut 7:6

I honestly cannot wrap my head around being God's most treasured possession. And it dawned on me that God is like my kiki. He has been there since the beginning. He knows everything about me. He's been there through every wonderful and painful thing in my life. He alone knows when I cry myself to sleep. And He is not just a soft piece of cloth. He's God.

Another powerful verse that my bible study talked about is Zep 3:17:

"The LORD your God is with you,
he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
he will quiet you with his love,
he will rejoice over you with singing"

That verse has so much in it. If you really think about it, its overwhelming. I see all the mistakes I've made in my life. I have a really hard time believing either of these verses. And I think if everyone was honest, they do too. But I think we all want to.

In my humble opinion, all humans want is love. Not everyone will admit it. And often, most go about searching for love in the wrong places. And some think they really are looking for power, fame, or money. But really its the desire to be wanted, esteemed and...loved. So we stop at nothing to get what we want. And all we get in return is pain and deeper desire to be loved.

I know that the verse above is true. I would stake my life on it. I know Jesus loves me, but often I forget how much. And these past few weeks I can really see how He has been quieting my soul with His love. I'm not going to pretend I understand God, He's a mystery. But I think I'm being to realize how great a mystery He is. And I think I'm starting to not just "know" it, but really believe it down deep, in the marrow of my bones.

All I can say to Him is thank you. Because I don't deserve it.

Change

The next couple of years are going to be different. Everything is changing. It's kind of scary. I'll be a for real grown up. Going off to a university, being on my own for the first time, and trusting God with my relationships.

Its time to become who I want to be. To become the person I have stuck in my head. I want to love fearlessly. I want to become so in love with Jesus that the people around me want to know what I have. I want to try new things. I want to dance. And do the things I never had the courage to do before. I want to celebrate and embrace the ordinary things.

I want to trust Him with everything I have. I don't want to be crippled by unbelief anymore.

"Now I know that the LORD saves his anointed;
he answers him from his holy heaven
with the saving power of his right hand"
Psalm 20:6

-Ria