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Hello =)

I haven't blogged in WAY to long! It's mildly ridiculous. Possible New Years Resolution??

So I feel like I've not only taken a sabbatical from blogging but also from life. Permit me to explain. 

I haven't jumped off the deep end. I still loved Him, found mild comfort in scripture, and talked to Him daily. But it was mostly small prayers like "help me stay focused" etc.I even had minor God moments when I choose to believe Him over my feelings. That aside, I didn't really abide in Christ. I wasn't actively pursuing Christ. Through this I felt my spirit dry up, if you will. My soul was thirsty. And although I knew what I needed to do: Get right with God and start walking with Him on a daily, personal level, I was to tired to do so. 

I have really good friends. They drive me CRAZY and I often love/hate them at the same time. So I guess that means they're family. But what I really appreciate about some of them is that they are actively pursuing God daily. It made me realize how much improvement I need in my life. How much I need God. Mind you, this realization didn't happen over night. It happened over the course of the semester, about 4 months. 

So today, I broke out my current favorite devotional Living Free by Beth Moore. Click here to see what it is. I highly recommend everyone from ages 10-110 read it. So chances are that means YOU.

Ironically, the day I picked was about returning to God, idolatry, and finding satisfaction in Christ alone. Needless to say, it was exactly what I needed. Part of me wants to type out the entire day for you to read. But I'm pretty sure that's illegal or something. 

Her whole point was that dissatisfaction is something that is actually a good thing because it signals us that we are trying to find our worth, value, and satisfaction in something other than God. 

"God offers us so much more than usually choose to enjoy. Dissatisfaction is not a terrible thing. It's a God thing. It's only a terrible thing when we don't let it lead us to Christ. He wants us to find the only thing that will truly satiate our thirsty and hungry hearts" (Moore, pg. 67). 

The following Scripture was also used. Get ready.

"He feeds on ashes, a deluded heart misleads him;
   he cannot save himself, or say,
   “Is not this thing in my right hand a lie?”
 “Remember these things, O Jacob,
   for you are my servant, O Israel.
I have made you, you are my servant;
   O Israel, I will not forget you. 
I have swept away your offenses like a cloud,
   your sins like the morning mist.
Return to me,
   for I have redeemed you.”

Isaiah 44: 20-22

This almost brought me to tears. The Lord is so merciful. We are so stupid. We become obsessed with things and end up making stupid choices because of it. How many times have you stayed up wayyyy past your bedtime because you were on facebook or youtube? Me too. An all to often occurrence in my life. I don't even want to be on the computer anymore but yet somehow I still am. Can you say obsessed? BUT, the Lord in all His unfailing mercy still loves us. He will take us back even though we never deserve it and all He asks is that we return to Him. 

What wondrous love is this?

I am humbly asking that you come on journey with me to love God and be eternally changed.

Huge love,

Maria 

Loneliness

Is it just me or is everyone and their mom getting married?

Or suddenly in a relationship?

Or getting engaged? (I guess that's pretty much 'getting married')

I am quite happy for all these people, I really truly am. I think they are all very good marriages that will last forever if they continue to follow God. What is somewhat unsettling to me is that they are all in my age range. 

And I'm 20 (but I look like I'm 15).

 Also, these people aren't just my friends sister or people I don't really talk to...they are really good friends. People I enjoy community with on a fairly regular basis. 

The whole situation has left me feeling utterly alone. I only have one other friend at home who is single (actually 2, but she's half way around the world right now). And it kinda sucks. Not because I want to be in a relationship, but because I feel like I have to be which is the stupidest thing I've ever heard of in my life. 

I am constantly annoyed with myself for feeling this way. Society says that if you don't have a boyfriend/ girlfriend that something is wrong with you. Society says you aren't really a whole person without having a romantic relationship. And, society says that you can't really be happy if you aren't in one.

BULL.

But, I want to be loved. I want to be special. I want to be someone's first choice. I'm not right now. All my friends would rather hang out with their fiances/boyfriends/ husbands before me. And that's the way it should be. And in all honestly, I'm fine with not being their first choice. But I do want to be somebody's first choice.

And I am.

I'm Gods. 

 

If you're like me, you feel a tad bit guilty that doesn't excite you as much as it should. I would submit to you that that is because God is too small in our minds and hearts. 

 I've been doing Beth Moore's bible study "Living Free". And I think it really is her best one. Its focused on praying the Word of God. I think its a must read for every believer...male and female. It's powerful. And incredibly needed.

Every time I spend time doing it I feel as though water is poured over my thirsty soul. I feel whole. I feel known. I feel deeply, deeply loved. I have the assurance that everything really will be okay. 

If you are battling loneliness here's some things that have really helped me.

- get a hobby

- have a daily time with God

- pick a piece of scripture and really meditate on it (I LOVE Psalm 23)

- listen to worship music (a lot of secular songs often cause us to focus on circumstances rather than on God)

- do the things YOU like to do and what makes YOU happy and don't care what other people think (I love hedgehogs and try to go to pet stores and play with them and I also like drawing cartoon animals and dancing)

- do something you've always wanted to do but haven't (I'd like to become an amazing chef)

- and PRAY PRAY PRAY. Make God your best friend. Try to make EVERY thought a prayer. Make Him number one in your life. (I have heard AMAZING things about the book "Practicing His Presence" and when I get my hands on it, I'll be sure to let y'all know how it was!)

I hope this encourages you and gives you some practical advice about loneliness. 

Huge love and coke zero,

Riarose

Storms

I just found out about the tsunami that has devastated Japan, Hawaii and possibly other places as well. My heart is breaking for these people. The little children, now orphans. The parents who are now childless. The unbelievers.

I have never, nor will ever, claim to understand God. He revealed parts of Himself to me and completely turned my world, my heart, and faith upside down....for the better. I fully trust Him because He will never let me fall.

That doesn't mean everything in my life will always be perfect. In fact, Jesus promises His children that there will be troubles and Christians will be persecuted. (John 16:33). If anyone tells you to follow Jesus and suddenly your life will be picture perfect, RUN. Because that is a lie straight from the pit of hell.

I was recently at a college ministry where the speaker likened this to marriage. Marriage is full of ups and downs. You WILL fight, and WILL get mad at each other. But you marry that person, fully knowing all of this because that person is better. They are worth all fights, sleepless nights and heartache. They are worth fighting for and worth loving. So is Jesus. His love is worth all the persecution. His love is better than all the heartaches. His love is BETTER than everything you love now.

God allows painful things to happen in our lives. I am studying to be a teacher and one my professors continually tells us that every activity has to have a purpose. The point of school is to learn, not have the children do busy work like 500 worksheets. Sometimes teachers plan activities that have a purpose, but only the teacher knows what the purpose is.

God is our perfect teacher and He doesn't let anything touch without His consent. Even we won't like everything that He allows in our life, such as really hard stuff, like tsunamis, death and sickness...there is a GOOD purpose in it. If I hadn't of gone through some of things that broke my heart, I wouldn't be as close to God. I wouldn't be exposed to some of His attributes as clearly.

God's word clearly tells us that He has a good plan for us:

"For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." - Jeremiah 29:11

This is one of the most recognizable verses in scripture. But no one ever talks about the verse that comes right before it:

"This is what the Lord says: “You will be in Babylon for seventy years. But then I will come and do for you all the good things I have promised, and I will bring you home again. " - Jeremiah 29:10

God does have a good and perfect plan. But it WILL NOT come without hard things. BUT, "I will bring you home again"

This video is one of my favorite videos of all times. I have watched it so many times I almost have it memorized. Watch and learn more about who God is. You will be blessed!

Huge love and prayers,
Maria

Lies

Everybody has bad days. It's a natural part of life. But for women, one of the most crushing things is feeling like no one loves them.

So we start playing the comparison game to feel better. Don't give me that innocent look. I know you've done it. We all have. Myself included.

It generally looks like this:

"Well, I'm not as whiny as she is" or "She doesn't have a boyfriend and I do, so I'm better than her" or "At least I have sense of style".

Its a vicious cycle that leaves you worn out and not feeling better. Or if it does make you feel better, it's only temporary.

So how do we fix these terrible thoughts; lies from Satan?

Lies such as:
- I'm not important
- people like so and so better than they like me
- if i died no one would care
- No one could ever love me, I'm to ________ (fill in your fault)
- I push everyone close to me away
- I have no friends
- I'm ______ (age) and am still not married. It's probably because I'm a horrible person.
- I'm not beautiful

I could go on for days, but I'm sensing you get the idea.

The only way to get rid of a lie is replace it with truth. If you don't feel important, ask God what He thinks of you. Look in His word. Find a verse that talks specifically about what you struggle with and memorize. When that pesky little lie sneaks up on you, smack it in the face with truth.

Verses:

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." - John 3:16

"But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved." Eph 2:4-5

"Let the king be enthralled by your beauty; honor him, for he is your lord." - Psalm 45:11

There are so many more verses I could show y'all. Search God's word, you'll find all you need.

Another thing I find helpful when destructive thoughts come around is writing a list. I'm kinda a freak about making lists. I don't feel like anything is official until its written down. One day, I was feeling down because I didn't think I was pretty. I know what God thinks about me and decided I didn't want to feel mopey any more. So I made a list of 20 physical things that I LIKE about myself. I read it over and over until I started to believe it. This may sound conceited, but knowing who you are in Christ and believing it is not. He made you beautiful, don't be afraid of that.

I also made a list of 20 things that God has blessed me with in my life. I included my family, friends and This took me less than 5 mins. When you feel alone or unloved, whip out your bible verses and lists.

Huge love and lists,

Maria

Pure

"When Christ comes into our lives, He REMOVES OUR GUILT and takes away our fears. He gives a love for others and a NEW PURPOSE in life. Like a spring of pure water, God's peace in our hearts brings CLEANSING and refreshment to our minds and bodies" - my Billy Graham calendar. Woah.

That's the hope we have in Jesus. Billy Graham is a smart man.

Christmas

I've heard a lot of people say "When is it going to feel like Christmas??" and I tend to agree. I live in Texas. Its about 75 out. There is no snow any where. I haven't gone caroling and finished most of my Christmas shopping this year in October. (I'm kind of an overachiever in that area). But every time I hear someone say that or I think it myself ,that Steven Curtis Chapman song rings through my head "Christmas is all in the heart...thats where feeling starts..." And I believe that. But I don't think its sunk all the way down to my heart. But I want it to.

I need the rawness of the story to hit me afresh.

I'm for sure not where I'm supposed to be yet. But I'm closer than I was this morning. I was praying this evening, or morning rather (insomnia came to visit) and I felt like God wants me to share with you what He taught me.

So this is straight out of my journal...its my prayer to God, me finally starting to get it. I pray you are encouraged and your faith strengthened by this. And Christmas hits you in the face and you get the message of grace in an incredible new way.

You are the most profound act of grace.
You are all that is worth living for.
Because there is HOPE in Your name.
Because there is MERCY and HEALING in Your touch.
Because all that is good in me is because of You.
Your grace is scandalous.
Your love is matchless.
Your mercy is everlasting.
You are redemption. Period.
You are faithful.
You are beyond words.
No one can describe You.
No one deserves Your love.
I don't deserve Your love.
I can't love You like You deserve.
You are the God who saves.

The words "But God" are some of the most powerful and life changing words in Scripture. Because they reveal Your nature.
They reveal how You differ from me.
They reveal Your glorious, unending, unchanging mercy.

"But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus" Eph 2:46

In Your name, there is HEALING
In Your name, there is FORGIVENESS
In Your name, there is TRUTH
In Your name, there is PASSION
In Your name, there is WHOLENESS
In Your name, there is POWER
In Your name, there is PURITY
By Your name, CAPTIVES ARE SET FREE
By Your name, BROKENESS IS HEALED
By Your name, I AM NO LONGER A SLAVE TO SIN.

Everything I lack is found in You.

That my dear friend, is the message of Christmas. It's not a feeling. It's not based on your circumstances. It's about GOD becoming flesh and choosing to save us. To save you. To save me. Its a celebration of when HOPE came into the world.

I pray your Christmas is filled peace, love, and thankfulness.

With great joy,

Maria

P.S. I have no idea how I'm going to fall asleep now. :-)

P.S.S. MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

New

I can't think, nor to do I have the brain power to come up with anything original right now. Its my day off but I have a list of stuff a mile long that I need to accomplish.

I hope and pray that following verses refresh you as much as they have refreshed me.

And I will give them one heart [a new heart] and I will put a new spirit within them; and I will take the stony [unnaturally hardened] heart out of their flesh, and will give them a heart of flesh [sensitive and responsive to the touch of their God] - Ezekiel 11: 19

For the eyes of the LORD range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him - 2 Chronicles 16:9a

He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.

You will not fear the terror of night,
nor the arrow that flies by day - Psalm 91:4-5

The enemy likes to take the desires of our heart, turn them into weaknesses, steal our trust in God's goodness and timing..GUARD your heart. - Kari Jobe

Every man dies. Not every man really lives. - William Wallace



Enjoy life.

Fear

I have sat down to write countless times the last couple months.

Obviously, it didn't go so well.

I think its because I never really had anything worth saying. I wasn't growing. I was stuck in my own thoughts and needed time to digest them all.

The last two months haven't been my favorite. A lot has happened and a bunch of it hasn't been fun.

But even though there were a lot of dark and sad times. I don't believe I've ever been closer to God before. He's made me face my deepest darkest fear...and through His grace I survived. The one thing I didn't think I would be able to bear, He held me through. His love has never been more real in my entire life.

I've been doing a fantastic bible study by Kelly Minter called "No Other Gods". Its been perfect for the season I'm in. I often find myself clinging to people or things and trying to be happy through them instead of God. The study encouraged me to get down on my face before God and thank Him for all His attributes. I'm not going to lie, I didn't really want to. Not because I don't love God but because my chair is really comfortable. But I felt really stupid telling God I wouldn't worship Him because I was to comfortable, so I got up and dropped my Bible on the floor. I then preceded to stare at the floor, dreading the descent downward. Not because I have a fear of sticking my face into my carpet, but because I am so ridiculously sore from my stupid pilates class that I wasn't sure if I would ever be able to get back up. I literally felt about 110. However, while I was reading and praying I was struck all over again by my current favorite psalm - Psalm 91.

I love this psalm because it talks about the awesome power of God. He is so mighty, but He is also so gentle. He's our protector. He saves us from our fears.

"Surely he will save you from the fowler's snare
and from the deadly pestilence.
He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
You will not fear the terror of night,
nor the arrow that flies by day"
Psalm 91:3-5
I've been so afraid lately. Afraid I'll never find anyone to love me. Afraid of sleeping at night. Afraid of leaving home. Afraid that when I leave home, I'll make some bonehead mistake I'll have to live with for the rest of my life. That I won't make friends at college, my now friends won't visit me at college and everyone will know I was homeschooled. Not that I didn't love being homeschooled...I just don't want to act like I was. If you were homeschooled, you know EXACTLY what I mean.
However, God has been doing a ridiculous work on my heart. He's healing me from various pain. He's given me enough hope for about 3 people. I am constantly aware of His presence. I find great comfort in the fact that as the verse states, He holds me close. He's my refuge. He's faithful.
I remember sitting on my bed last week after saying goodbye to a close friend. I was trying really hard not to cry. I asked God why it had to happen. He gently whispered back...almost audibly "to draw you close to Me".
I don't know what you are going through. But I promise you, God is faithful. I don't know what your greatest fear is, but God will hold you through it. I don't know what's going to happen in the future, but I promise its good. Because God promised it would be good. I'm also willing to bet it won't be how you expect.
I'm not saying I am now 100% hurt free and fine. I'm not. My heart still hurts, but I have have hope. It's all going to be ok. I guess I've learned that God can handle all of me. From me complaining about being sore, hungry, tired, and lonely...to happy, romantic, and hyper. He loves all of me. It's such a freeing feeling. I finally feel free to be me.
I've learned there is no need to fear because God is bigger than my fears. Yours too.

"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love."
1 John 4:18

Live

What if we knew exactly what was going to happen in our lives? What if we knew the date of our loved ones death, the date we would meet our future spouse, the date of our first child's birth....everything? Would we live differently? Would we distance ourselves from someone if we knew they would die the next day, to spare ourselves from pain? Or would we dive in, and love deeply and fully and end up with a broken heart? I've had many conversations with a friend of mine. They like to think about everything logically, and I don't. I like to dive into life, and often don't think about the consequences. Although, the more I have thought about it, the more I have come to the conclusion that I am right (Duh). But also that they are right too (ehh...).

I believe Jesus created us to love deeply. We are created to be passionate and give everything. This life isn't a rehearsal for the real thing, it is the real thing. But what about wisdom? If we are supposed to give everything and love fearlessly, isn't that reckless? Won't we wind up hurt? Why do something that will guarantee pain? Every relationship you have will end. Whether by death or by something else, its going to end. Its a depressing thought. When someone told me this, I thought it was extremely morbid, and they were a "glass half empty" kind of person. And that might be true. So now that we have all had a reality check, the next question is "Is it worth it?". Is it worth loving someone (parents, spouse, significant other, children, coworkers etc) knowing the risk?

Yes.

Heck yes.

Jesus loved those who hated Him. He died for people who hated Him. He loved fearlessly, fully knowing people would reject Him. And thats what we need to do too. Someone told me "But I don't know what God's will is!" That's kind of the point. We have step out in faith, knowing God will do something good. We aren't called to save the world, that's Jesus' job. We don't know what is going to happen, but we have to trust.

And we'll always have the memories. Beautiful memories. Even though there might be pain in relationship, its always worth it. You'll always have the memory of the persons smile or an inside joke. I would rather love and know what its like to be loved than to have protected myself so much that I don't know whats it like. My uncle passed away in 2008. It sucks, but I'll always have the hilarious and wonderful memories.

And its important to be wise. Even though we are called to live and love fearlessly and trust God no matter what, we still have to be wise. We have to think before we speak and realize not everyone should be allowed into every corner of your heart.

So....go love someone. Live and love fearlessly.

"Trust in Him at all times, you people; pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us."Psalm 62:8

This video says everything I'm trying to convey...check it out!

Love

Today, my bible study asked me what possession I treasured most. As embarrassing as it is to admit, I treasure my kiki (my baby blanket) the most. I know I'm 19 but I make no apologies for still sleeping with her every night. I began to think about why she was so special to me. I think its because she is a source of comfort. I've had her since I was 6 months old. And she hasn't had a bath since then (I'm kidding). She has been there through every painful and wonderful thing in my life. When my uncle died I held her. When I got my wisdom teeth out I held her. Whenever I get my heart hurt I hold her. She's been here since the beginning and is the only thing on earth who knows when I cry myself to sleep. She is so special to me and all she is a soft piece of cloth. As lame as it is, she is my most treasured possession (besides my cat).

And then the bible study told me to read this verse:

"For you are a people holy to the LORD your God. The LORD your God has chosen you out of all the peoples on the face of the earth to be his people, his treasured possession" Deut 7:6

I honestly cannot wrap my head around being God's most treasured possession. And it dawned on me that God is like my kiki. He has been there since the beginning. He knows everything about me. He's been there through every wonderful and painful thing in my life. He alone knows when I cry myself to sleep. And He is not just a soft piece of cloth. He's God.

Another powerful verse that my bible study talked about is Zep 3:17:

"The LORD your God is with you,
he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
he will quiet you with his love,
he will rejoice over you with singing"

That verse has so much in it. If you really think about it, its overwhelming. I see all the mistakes I've made in my life. I have a really hard time believing either of these verses. And I think if everyone was honest, they do too. But I think we all want to.

In my humble opinion, all humans want is love. Not everyone will admit it. And often, most go about searching for love in the wrong places. And some think they really are looking for power, fame, or money. But really its the desire to be wanted, esteemed and...loved. So we stop at nothing to get what we want. And all we get in return is pain and deeper desire to be loved.

I know that the verse above is true. I would stake my life on it. I know Jesus loves me, but often I forget how much. And these past few weeks I can really see how He has been quieting my soul with His love. I'm not going to pretend I understand God, He's a mystery. But I think I'm being to realize how great a mystery He is. And I think I'm starting to not just "know" it, but really believe it down deep, in the marrow of my bones.

All I can say to Him is thank you. Because I don't deserve it.

Change

The next couple of years are going to be different. Everything is changing. It's kind of scary. I'll be a for real grown up. Going off to a university, being on my own for the first time, and trusting God with my relationships.

Its time to become who I want to be. To become the person I have stuck in my head. I want to love fearlessly. I want to become so in love with Jesus that the people around me want to know what I have. I want to try new things. I want to dance. And do the things I never had the courage to do before. I want to celebrate and embrace the ordinary things.

I want to trust Him with everything I have. I don't want to be crippled by unbelief anymore.

"Now I know that the LORD saves his anointed;
he answers him from his holy heaven
with the saving power of his right hand"
Psalm 20:6

-Ria